6 years on the planet

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You’ve made it Lyra & Sasha! You’ve been here and in our lives for six years today. Happy birthday.

And although you both are just starting to read (and in Lyra’s case, just starting to really talk!), I wanted to give you some advice and ideas to look to every so often.

1) You have a disability; it’s called Autism. But you have never let that stop you or have used it as an excuse. Keep trying as hard as you do and you will ALWAYS be rewarded.

2) Don’t worry if people – even the ones you love – don’t always get you. That’s not about you; it’s about them.

3) You have tons of talents and skills. Use those to make connections and contacts when you can’t do it any other way.

4) Love each other, always. As much as I try to keep you as individuals, you have a special connection as twins. There will be times I will not be there for you, even if I want to be. That’s when having a twin sister is so special.

5) Speaking of love, know that your Daddy and I – as well as all your family, love you… no matter what.

Bad mommy

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I didn’t plan to write this as my first post. I had hoped to talk about how wonderful life can be.

But right now, things seem stressful at best… and at worst chaotic. And I feel I’m a bad mom. I’m not saying that as a way to garner sympathy or get people reaching out to me to boost me up when I am feeling low. It’s just what I am feeling.

I think back to the days when I was dreaming… hoping for a family, which was a task in itself to achieve. (I’ll write about that another time.)

This wasn’t what I thought I signed up for! I wanted tea parties, sleep overs and tons of reading time.

Instead, I have two girls, nearly 6 years old, on the Autism spectrum. And lately our time together consists of correcting, melt downs (both by them and me) and struggling on 5 hours a night sleep.

It sucks. And I feel doubly guilty complaining about it and secretly wishing for a more ‘typical’ family.

There I said it for all the world to see. I want something I can never, ever have.

And yes, I know there are a few of you out there who are saying, “But, Shannon, look at what you HAVE!”

Most days I do. But not now, not today.