I didn’t plan to write this as my first post. I had hoped to talk about how wonderful life can be.
But right now, things seem stressful at best… and at worst chaotic. And I feel I’m a bad mom. I’m not saying that as a way to garner sympathy or get people reaching out to me to boost me up when I am feeling low. It’s just what I am feeling.
I think back to the days when I was dreaming… hoping for a family, which was a task in itself to achieve. (I’ll write about that another time.)
This wasn’t what I thought I signed up for! I wanted tea parties, sleep overs and tons of reading time.
Instead, I have two girls, nearly 6 years old, on the Autism spectrum. And lately our time together consists of correcting, melt downs (both by them and me) and struggling on 5 hours a night sleep.
It sucks. And I feel doubly guilty complaining about it and secretly wishing for a more ‘typical’ family.
There I said it for all the world to see. I want something I can never, ever have.
And yes, I know there are a few of you out there who are saying, “But, Shannon, look at what you HAVE!”
Most days I do. But not now, not today.
We all need a village. That’s not just some trite phrase. You’re not a saint, none of us are. I’ve had similar issues and it feels like you’re all alone with no end in sight. But just reach out. There are other moms ready and willing to lend you support.
Dearest Shannon,
You shared honestly and openly what everyone feels at certain points in their life. All of us go through our own unique challenges and wish at times that things were different, or easier, or we knew how to handle them better.
Thank you for your courage in sharing something with others that was so personal. I know that there will be some women, or men, who read your post and realize that they are not the only one who feel that way- that it’s normal and human to experience feelings and thoughts like that. It will help them to know that they aren’t alone with what they are going through. They will relate and be so glad that you voiced it here.
Someday down the road, there will be a realization that those times we thought were so difficult to get through, actually were among the best lessons learned in our life. They make us stronger, develop who we are as people, and influence our life in a positive way, even though it may not seem so right now.
You were selected to be your girl’s mom, because you have the special qualities and what it takes to be their mom that they need. Noone else could ever fill that special position. Attending a support group with other parents of autistic children might be something to look into if you could use that type of support.
My heart goes out to you, and I want you to know that there are people, me included, who care about you and your family. Congratulations on your new blog!
Shannon, first I am sending you lots and lots of hugs!!! Second, it’s been a long time that I read a post that just pulled at my heart strings .. not out of sympathy or pity, but out of “OMG I SO UNDERSTAND!!!!!” my 16 year old is ADHD … much better now that he’s in a better school and in the right programs and NOT on meds either YAY … I have an out of control 18 yr old, a 22 yr old who is just not having any luck finding work and my 20 yr old is a full time student, working a full time job and living on her own … oh and we have a 7 month old too … LOL I have bad days regularly .. and I feel just like you do. and I also feel the guilt of feeling like that … and yes, I also get to the point that I realize what a great family I have .. it could be worse!
I am glad this was your first post reviving your mommy inc blog! Because it shows that you are a real person, a real mom, not just a pretty face in a newsletter telling all the rest of us about being great entrepreneurs …
Now the pep talk! You got beautiful girls, you have a great husband, and you are so inspirational!!! Here’s another hug ((hugs)) Keep on keepin’ on!!!